To Abang, with love (lol)

It's been awhile since I penned my thoughts down here. I have recently been inspired to restart my blog by sharing bible verses and all, but Blogger app on the phone was not really user friendly and I was abit lazy to type over the phone. I ended up updating my bible verses on Dayre  because it was another platform where I can update my thoughts anytime of the day (Thank you Timothy Tiah and Boss Ming for creating it).

Here I am finally updating my thoughts in my bubble after one year. I admit procrastinating took over me. Besides I deleted the whole blog last year and removed alot of memories. So here goes.

A post dedicated to a special someone...

I never thought that this day would come. The day I wish to hide in a corner and shut everyone out. It was not a new thing because I felt this before, but somewhat today the feeling was exceptionally different- a whole new level.

I was semi-conscious the whole night,  I couldn't really sleep. Flashes of dreams just whisk through my mind, making it feel so real yet it was only just a dream. 

I woke up heavy hearted and tears in my eyes. It made me reflect how much my life had changed. People come and go. People who stood by me. Perspective of life in a different point of view.

I grew in faith. I believe in God and expanded my faith in Him. It's not that I have no faith in Him. I do, but at times I doubted Him. At times, I do blame Him because of all the topsy-turvy situations that are happening in my life. I admit I'm not really a good Catholic, though people might think I am since I'm always involved in church activities.

God sends His trusty angels to us in times of need. But at times, we don't really realise it until things happen. He does make wonders, trust me. He changed it all. Our Almighty Father, the big guy up there, changed every single bit and pieces of my life.

Looking back, I'm really thankful and grateful to Him for sending so many sweet little angels. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have changed so much on my perspective of life. In the span of five months, so much things happened.

Honestly, I couldn't be much grateful for those angels He sent; especially these two - Martinian Lee and Andrew Jeevan. Both of them never fail to put all those laughters, senses and encouragement into my life. For that span of five months, you'll never wonder how much laughter I gave, seriously. 

But today was the day I felt lost, like as if a part of me just went missing. Okay, I felt this before when N left but not to this extent. I spent my whole morning thinking and reflecting why I felt this way, and I had my answer - brother.

As an only child, I have no one to turn to... which I agree, it sucks. I never wanted younger siblings but I had cousins who acts like one. I always wanted an elder brother, a brother who takes care of me, understands me, growing in the same faith as me and be my motivation and guide. An elder brother protects and guards the younger ones.. sounds cool isn't it? But, no. I'm stuck being an only kid. 

So today, Martinian ended his four-month stint in JB...officially. Honestly, I have great memories and experiences with him that I'm truly grateful. No one knew except a handful of close friends that I shared, he was my ideal older brother. 

Minus the fact he is like wayyyy older than me (lol), I like being around him. It makes me feel like I have found my long lost brother. He played a big role in my life during these past four months. We went for lots of food adventure. Honestly, as an orang JB, I don't really know what are the attractions in JB. From icecream, to brownies, to drinking sessions. 

My first time eating at TIP, and it was with the both angels. I will never forget how Abang goes on and on about how nice these ice-cream was and also kept insisting that Matt and the rest had to try it when he met them. Macam-macam rubbing it in their faces only.. haha.

We celebrated Abang's birthday at T.G.I. Friday's. It was supposed to be a surprise party, ended up there was all the drama involved. And then, it was back to square one.. a surprise party. The purpose of bringing him there was because birthday boy/girl will have special treatment from them i.e. stand on the chair and sing. That's the one place I'll never go when its nearing my birthday. Seeing back the video really made me laugh so much. I had an awesome night with the others, and I hope you did too Abang!

Of course we went around JB town (which I'll never do in my entire life), thanks to the other angel whom I cannot called brother cuz he doesn't allow this brother brother thing. But then again, thank you Andrew for bringing us around and enduring our nonsense to annoy the shit out of you. Haha. And thank you for the unglam dark photo of Abang and I at our JB's most famous fountain *coughs*.

I admit, I'm not at all perfect. I'm thankful and grateful to God for sending you and to know you even better. I thank Him for all the memories we shared and that whatever life experiences you shared with me, I will remember it for life. You may not know how deep the impact you made in my life, but I assure you whatever I do, I will never forget all those motivations you gave. 

"Jesus said: Do not be afraid, for I have conquered the world. You can do it adik!"

 You do what your heart tells you what you should do now. Always can have a change of heart later.

 Focus Christine! You can do it!

Thank you for being a great listener, a great comforter, a great brother. Thank you for giving me that elder brother experience which I never felt before from others. Thank you for taking some time off to listen to my sharing (not a calling to be a nun ah, please!) and always affirming that I can do my best.

I don't really know how to express how I really feel, or to say how much you impact my life as an Abang. But these four months was really a great great great experience. Thank you for bringing sooo much laughters and what not. 

I will always keep you in prayers and I wish you all the best. I'm pretty sure you'll be a great priest, Abang; and I'm always proud of you. You are a courageous man and everytime I recite the Prayer for Vocation, you'll never fail to come into my mind. "Lift up courageous man and women willing to follow after your life as priests, sisters, brothers and deacons". You are a courageous man to me, Abang! Not all can say YES and follow God. 

I'm gonna miss you though you're just a phone call away. Hahaha, but I'll see you soon alright? Take good care and may God always bless you Abang! Love you loads.. till infinity and back. 

Thank you for being you, Abang!

P/s: I had to rant. I need a place to rant. Felt so upset the whole night, unable to sleep. Cried the whole morning and had been reflecting. Hah.. I need to get it out of me so hence the blog. Gahhh you're affecting me.. silly withdrawal syndrome... HAHAHA.